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Dec. 18th, 2011


I didn't get it before. I still don't get it now. And I probably won't even get it in the future. You, of all people, to be treating us like this? Nothing hurts worse that treatments like that from you. Especially from you. One whom we've always respected, always loved. And the main cause of all of the unhappiness has always been the same.Can't you get your priorities right? What's one dumb function compared to kid's health?? And just because that didn't go your way, you're mad. At what, I don't know. Ranting about it the whole morning, throwing tantrums at us for not getting things done your way. Yes, it might be my fault, but please, don't take it out on the rest. They don't deserve this treatment. We teared, silently because we didn't understand at all. We tried to understand, but you don't seem to want us to understand! Now, we'll just go hungry until you decide to finally look at us and see the pain that we're going through now. And the other, has the cheek to tell me to "rest well, but try and make it down later in the afternoon if you feel ok." The irony! I'm utterly disgusted! I'm sorry for saying all these, because I know the other party's difficulties and all.  But, come on! Which part of "not well" do you not understand? And because of these, my family is in chaos now. Thank you for brainwashing her.

It all comes down to me... It's all my fault to start with..If only I didn't had stomach flu for days, if only I could just bear with the discomfort and just go sing and make other people happy despite my agony...None of these would have happened. It's all my fault. It's all my fault.It's all my fault.....

Dec. 5th, 2011

Fell in love, proposed to, happily engaged now.=)

Last post: May 3rd 2011.
New post: More than 7 months after.

A lot has happened in the 7 months period. Boyfriend proposed in May, was kept busy with work while preparing for the engagement and 2 days ago, I was engaged to the love of my life. Like, finally. <3 That's the happy part.

The unhappy part, ridiculous remarks and accusations from other people about me because of 1 irritating loser. The best part, it's about something that I did not do. I guess that's just human huh. Or maybe it's fated that I will constantly have people being jealous of what I have, not liking the fact that I'm happy. And being me, I tend to think a lot. In fact, I'm always reflecting upon myself. I always think that I must have done something wrong, that's why some people hate me so much. Fiance always remind me, to not get affected by what people think of you, what matters is your conscience. As long as your conscience is clear, nobody should affect you emotionally.

I know he's right, but at times I just can't help but still think too much bout things, and eventually get myself stressed up and depressed all over again.


I'm happy being engaged to the love of my life now! =))

May. 3rd, 2011


I have to stop thinking too much and letting my emotions control me. I've been crying again for no reason. Making boyfriend worry so much about me again.

I have to stop.

Mar. 11th, 2011

"Skip to my lou, my darling."

 Finally the start of the March holidays. One week to chill before going back to being a student all over again! Kinda excited for it, but the travelling scares me. NIE's freaking far! 
Oh! My dearest kids gave me cards on my last day, and even sang for me what they learnt in Music class. Lots of "I love you, Ms Siti.", "hugs" and "kisses" from my little ones and they sang " Skip to my Lou" , complete with dance movements! Adorable bunch of peeps. 
I was touched lah. OBVIOUSLY.  
NIE, here we come! 


Feb. 8th, 2011

..when my prediction was spot on..

 My prediction was spot -on.

And I really feel horrible about it. But then again, I don't agree with what was asked of. I can do both at the same time. In fact, I have been doing both at the same time, and nobody's complaining or unhappy. "..Just stick to what you think is right for your family, do not have to be brainwashed by other people.."That line was nagging hard in my brain. Someone really dear once told me that, and I have been sticking to it ever since. Not that I'm not open to other advices, but telling me what I should or shouldn't do, just really makes me feel reallly choked. I'm sincerely grateful for the concerns, but I think I know them the best, I know me the best. 

Trying to not get affected by all that .But at the same time, really thankful I've got nice people who are willing to listen and understand coz they have been there.

Jan. 3rd, 2011

Twenty Eleven.

 On the last day of 2010, I patted my shoulder and praised myself because I managed to be a strong girl, trying to make lives better for mum and the 2 boys. On the first day of 2011, what better way to start the year by visiting my late dad's grave, with mum and the boys. Our way of telling him, we still think of him, everyday, even in the new year. On the second day of 2011, a small family outing with mum and the boys. Nothing beats just seeing their happy faces on outings. 

My new year resolution has always been the same : To make people that matters to me , happy.  

I hope you're happy up there too, dearest. Don't worry about us, just look over us, like you always do. We love you. 

Dec. 20th, 2010


 A quarrel makes a couple closer. But too many quarrels, just means there's something wrong with the both of them.  

Girl and Boy had a quarrel. Boy got pissed off because Girl was being too sensitive, so he just left. Girl was pissed off too, and started reflecting on herself. Was she being sensitive or was Boy being too possessive?

Too many quarrels make a couple....feel apart.

Dec. 9th, 2010

Amazing Race

 Life stinks when you've got people who just don't get you after so long. Life stinks even more when you've got people who make promises and then break them like a stick. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. Or maybe I'm being too selfish, only wanting things to go my way. But I think in this case,I do have a right to be super selfish. We're talking about my principles, here, And no one should make me go against my principles, not even someone very important.

I'm not a very happy girl today, So after work, I traveled. All around. Bishan, Novena, Toa Payoh,and right now as we speak, I'm in the bus to Pasir Ris. I need long journeys to think, to cool down. Ears plugged to great music, a lappy with enough power to let me rant all I want, green sceneries to let my mind relax and reflect on stuff.

To you: I really want this to work. 

Nov. 4th, 2010

Think, think, think..

I realise I like to think a lot. I realise I like to do a lot of self-reflection, anywhere. In the toilet, bus/train rides, long walks alone, before bed...etc.Sometimes, thinking a lot makes me feel confused, sometimes it just makes me feel good about myself. The thing is each time I reflect and get inspired to jot them down in here, the thought just disappears whenever I face the laptop.DAMN.

it's a pity because there are a couple of good reflections that I did randomly. And knowing that I've got short term memory, jotting them down in here seems like the msot sensitive thing to do. But yeah, the thoughts usually disappears after a while.

At this moment, waiting for the school bell to ring so that I can get to class and teach my kids for an hour, then finally get to knock off. Long weekends, man. Well, 3 days is not exactly that long, but yeah, it's an extra day after all. Let's just be grateful.

Recently, started to miss him a lot, especially before bedtime. It's bad because it hurts to be reminded of the past. It's november. probably that's why memories of him just came flooding back. It really doesn't feel like a year has past. Guess I'm still mourning, and still getting used to things.

I need a good holiday.

Sep. 29th, 2010

The promise.

Almost a year without you, and I don't even realise it. Funny how work, friends and family manage to put mind off the nightmares. Thinking back, remembering how tough it was to not only bring myself up, but bring the rest of the family up on their feet too. The shaky first few months, then eventually got stronger and stronger on my feet.

It's definitely a great loss, but a blessing in  dusguise. It made the family even more close-knitted. It made me learn about responsibilites. It made me become a more stronger lady, who has been through a lot.

The empty feeling in my heart will never be gone, the guilt for not appreciating and spending more time together will never disappear. But life goes on. Especially when I've made the promise.

The promise was made when me and him were alone , in the ICU ward. Sputtered desperately in between sobs, I assured him that I'll take over his responsilities, and that he didn't have to worry about a single thing. The only thing I asked for was for him to look over us, to make sure we're okay, and to help me out when I'm lost and stuck.

Sometimes I forget. Forget that I'm an adult and I've got huge responsibilties in my hands.I'm, afterall, a normal human being, a normal young, single adult.

Like what he would say, " That's Life."

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