"It's been awhile since we last saw each other.To have met you today,was a sight I've been yearning to see. My body was shakig & tingling knowing you're here with me.I know it's tough to be in the midst of everything today. You are the most bravest & strongest girl I've ever known.You are my  one and only girlfriend,my life.ILY." 

I was constantly dreading the day to watch them perform. But it wasn't that bad. Was kept busy in the dressing room because the girls needed help with hair and makeup. And being the very nice alumnis, me and Eileen were makeup artists and hairdresser for the night....AGAIN..It was last minute anyway, and they desperately needed extra hands. Boyfren didn't know I was helping out backstage. Went to hiphop's dressing room and surprised him, thanks to Angie & the rest of his crew!

The first thing we did? A big tight hug..because we haven't seen each other in like weeks, he was really busy with rehearsals and I've got issues at home. He had been worried for me because he knows it would be difficult for me to watch them perform on stage when I don't have the priviledge to.already. He was reallly sweet to get me my favourite white lily!




And not enough with the lily, he wrote me a sweet lil card, with those words at the beginning of this post in it.

 

I'm gonna say this.

I MISS DANCING SO BADLY.

I don't wanna be in the audience, taking in the atmosphere of the performances from the performers on stage. I wanna be with the rest of them, taking in the adrenaline rush,on stage,inspiring those in the audience. Embracing the love and the appreciation from the audience after the performance. The satisfaction that I always get after a performance well done. Even if I can go back to dance now, I guess it's too late. I just blew the last chance to share the same stage as the usual peeps and even dear boyfren. Muse,this wed. They're gonna have a blast on stage...and I'll be with the audience.Unnoticeable. All this months, I've been avoiding what I love. Sometimes I forget, and starts to enjoy dance vids and thinking of choreography for songs.But after awhile,when I realise that I can only watch dance and think about dance and not actually doing dance, it hurts.

 

As innocent as two doves.
God brought us together.
We met, fell in love.
We started a new chapter.

 

You opened my heart.
I’m not gonna lie.
A really good start.
With a really awesome guy!

 

Love me.
Take me.
Promise me, please.
That we’ll build an everlasting love that all envy.

 

Obstacles,setbacks.
They’re never gonna stop.
No quarrels, just feedbacks.
There’s no need for teardrops!

Only one thing I ask for.
That last for a lifetime.
That we’ll love each other more and more.
Until the end of time.

-Munirah-
...For the special one in my life...
 

 

 

Life is a piece of white canvas.

It's up to you to choose the colours to represent your life.

 Right now, I need happy and cheery colours on my canvas. No inspirations,no opportunities right now. And the last thing on earth I want to do is to disappoint my parents. I don't want them to think I'm useless,lazy or that I'm not trying hard enough. Sometimes I just wish I've got another choice like the peeps my age have. Uni and all. Still enjoying the student life, and not have to worry about achieving expectations at home with so little that I have now. Everyday's a struggle. Doing the same things at home,bumming around,anticipating every little outingwith my peeps, but always ends up not happening eventually because of commitments from the other party.(which I don't blame) Which always make me realise how very lost I actually am. I've got no path to follow.My path kinda stopped halfway,which is sad because people around me are leaving me behind, and they're advancing way ahead in their paths respectively.

The real test next week. To make sure I don't think too much and bawl when I watch the peeps performing on Muse. the performance's still a week away, but i'm already feeling the same shit I had before. The damn tears just comes unexpectedly and when it does, I just wiped them off bravely, with my face not showing the least unhappiness. But the eyes just spells agony and confusion. Which nobody can understand why.

I just want a complete path, like anybody else. Right now, all I have is smoke in front of my path and I can't see where I'm going.
 

I miss the spotlights.
I miss the sounds.
I miss the smell of the smoke machine.
I miss the chaos in dressing rooms.
I miss the cameras clicking madly across rooms.
I miss the nerves.
I miss the adrenaline rush.
I miss the stage.
I miss the audience, the applause, the cheers.


 

Imagine me in a girl's uniform, with short hair, and playing soccer.
 

 

I was a selfish idiot just hours ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hate them. 
I'm sorry.
I don't hate them for them, but I hate them for still having the opportunity to pursue their passion,
..when I'm here still treating the old wound that's been hurting recently.
I've avoided, I've ignored,I've stayed away.
I've pretended to feel okay.
But at the end of the day, I feel like shit.
Everyone's busy with rehearsals, previews...
Gosh. even saying rehearsals and previews hurt so much.
Even dear boyfren's gonna be busy with rehearsals and previews.
My dance peeps are always asking me if I'm ever coming back to dance,
..or if I'm gonna watch them perform this November.
I always just smiled.
Honestly, I don't wanna watch, coz I know I'll start crying my eyes out when I watch them.
But, I wanna be there for them, be there for dear boyfren, even if it kills me inside.

...even if it kills me inside..









 

Happy Eid 09
I know..Went missing for awhile.
Story cut short,I made a really big sacrifice.
Ive stopped dancing..for real.
Parents nagging at me to stop dancing and find a proper job.
Not that I'm not working now.
I love my relief teaching job, and love the timings,coz it won't clash with my dance practices.
BUT...I still got to listen to them , DUH.
I was bloody pissed that I gotta sacrifice my only passion,and that we can't reach a compromise.
Hurt so bad when I had to tell the dancers my decision.
Just when I'm starting to grow so much in dance,I'm forced to stop everything that I've been aiming for.
The past month without dance was hell..literally.
I get agitated whenever anyone talks about dance.
I get pissed when I suddenly think of my dancers.
Even when dear boyfren was around, it reminded me so much of dance, doesn't help that boyfren himself is a dancer.
My routine now's just teach, teach, stay at home, teach, teach....
I love teaching, but it' unfair that I gotta stop dancing.
Everynight, I ask God for a chance.
Life's short.
I still have so much stuff I want to do..and a lot of that involves dance.
I don't want to regret not trying to achieve my goals.
I've been trying to persuade my parents about letting me dance one last time, at least this once.
Last time sharing the same stage with my dancers and my dear boyfren.
At least let me end the year with a bang.

Oh.my "baby" was a success, thank God.




 

It took 6 whole hours..
..Over 10 years worth of stuff.
Appreciate the listening ear ALOT.
Thanks, you!




Life has been meaningless recently.
No, I'm not emo.
Just stressed out.
Responsibilities scare me .
Parents bugging me to get a proper job.
Not that I don't want to.
It's just difficult to find something that can fit to my schedule.
What schedule, you ask..
Haha.
What else....
I admit...I'm selfish...
I'm not being realistic luh..
I wanna get a proper full time job,
I still wanna do my relief-teaching at Mendaki, ( coz it pays well ! =D)
AND!!..
I still wanna dance in RP..
Selfish right..
Sooo,yeh, I'm still searching for a suitable job.
Pray hard for me!

Choreo workshop was...very challenging!
I was pleasantly freaked out by the improvisation coz it's just not in me!
But... still trying my best of course.
=)

20 in 2 days' time.
20 on Sunday.
Yay.
=D

Main Entry:	momentum
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	impetus, push
Synonyms:	drive, energy, force, impulse, power, propulsion, strength, thrust

 

 

If Momentum's a movie, I would be the main actress. 
About a simple dancer, with big expectations  for herself..
About the encouragement and the support from the people who care for her..
..who constantly make the effort to make her realize her potential...
And finally, after so much tears and moments of almost giving up...
...she did it.

The transition from malay dance to the dancer I am now's really not easy.
There were countless of times I wanted to give up so badly because I simply didn't believe in myself.
But, I managed, I was constantly  trying, kept telling myself to pick myself up, and make that transition.
For the past few months, I tried my best to keep the momentum going, because I knew that
...once my momentum slows down, it'll be really difficult to get it back up again..
...and I realy don't want that to happen.
Ive worked super hard to get to where I am now, i'm not gonna just let the months of my hard work go down the drain.
I'm still learning, and still wanna be a better dancer than I am now.
Momentum performances in a few days time...
Can't wait ! =)

Oh. I'm having really bad insomnia these few nights, and I hate it. My eyes feels puffy in the morning and I've gt bad headaches because of the constant tossing and turning on bed.
Not good.
Because it's ironic that Im having trouble sleeping, when Im like always tired after dance practices.
haha...

Off to rehearsal now.

6 months and counting, sweetie! =)


 

I'm freaking tired!!
Actually I've got  whole lot of emotions going on these days.
Gosh, i don't know where to start.
Hmm....
Momentum in about 3 weeks time...
Choreography, blockings done..
3 weeks to polish up, and to do a full run with the Zingo drummers.
...Great.
I've got people coming up to me, saying I've improved so much.
..Awesome.
Just what I've always been waiting for.
Now that, Momentum's gonna over before you even know it,
..it's gonna be Muse again.
..and I don't know if i'll still be dancing with the usual peeps again.
People going uni, working, busy with final year projects..
...it's not gonna be the same again.
..and I'm kinda affected by it already, honestly.
The thing is, dancing's my life.
what makes dancing my life, is the company and friendship there.
Without the usual peeps to dance with, it's just not gonna be the same anymore.
I know...
I prolly shouldn't even think bout that for now.
Momentum's still not over yet,
...there's still the choreography showcase I've always been looking forward to.
Talking about the showcase...
..not many people know that the showcase's actually my "baby".
Why?
Coz I was the one who came up with the proposal, painstakingly making sure that the proposal was foolproof.
..and to think I was worried for nothing.
Because Mr Z liked my proposal.
He thinks it's a great opportunity, a perfect platform to showcase potential student choreographers.
And because of this showcase he's actually gonna conduct  choregraphy /improvisation workshops!
It's gonna be interesting.
And I'm really looking forward to it.
Looking forward to see my "baby" a success!
I've got a whole lot of ideas for the showcase, I cant wait.!
And I'm really thankful, Ive got my dancers being enthusiastic about it.
We're all hopefully, gonna put up different items, each one with different styles and interpretation.
Yay.

I hate to admit this but,I feel as if all my energy are draining out.  I woke up this morning feeling crappy to the max.
I'm bumped.
Coz it's amazing how some people got things the easy way out,
..and yet some just don't get it, although they were the ones to put in their utmost effort.
Life's unfair.
Cliche as it sounds, but we can't help but agree.
So much effort, but none were noticed.
..and I'm talking on behalf of others too.
Damn it.
I just feel soo.. low.
Soo down, I don't even wanna do stuff that I enjoy.
How?
How to pick myself up,and face my worst nightmares?
How?